When Will We Teach Our Daughters To Be Sexual Equals? -- Pt.1 Love Before Sex?

 Before one dismisses this series of essays as being a "man-bashing" essay, without reading it, I think shifting the way we teach girls about sex will improve relationships for both men and women.

And, before one says -- "But, but, there are sexual predators out there!"  I am WELL aware that there are sexual predators.  Unfortunately, there will always be a contingent of the population that are sexual predators.  I do not advocate for one second that a girl or woman let her guard down or ignore her intuition or take her safety lightly.

And, before you argue with me about what your religion or church says about women and sex, please know that I am NOT religious and am not about to take up a religion.  One of the big reasons I am not religious is the way women are regarded in religions.

I was going to do a long essay encompassing all of my thoughts on this; but, feel this would be better done in several parts sticking to one idea at a time.

About a year ago, I watched an episode of Blue Bloods (it may well have been a repeat).  In the episode, Erin Reagan, (divorcee and successful prosecutor for the city of New York), has a small "sex-talk" with her daughter.  And, as seen in many a TV show and movie, Erin tells her daughter, "I would hope that the first time you have sex, that you are in love."

While this is a vast improvement over, "Save yourself for marriage" and "Why should he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free," I found myself getting very angry at this.  Telling a girl that the first time she has sex, that she should be in love, is terrible advice.  This sets her up for a series of disappointments.  You can pretty well bet that in most cases of first time sex, the boy in NOT in love.  He may eventually fall in love; but, he most likely is not in love at the time that he has sex.

Pair that with the way we teach girls about boys and sex. (Especially in light of a rapper's confession that he takes his daughter to the OB/Gyn to make sure her virginity is in tact.)  Why are we still putting a girl's virginity on a pedestal?  That is just disgusting!

Here is the reality of first time sex:

• Boys are not taught that their virginity is valuable.
• The boy will most likely not be in love.
• Boys are not taught to be in love the first time they have sex.
• The first boy a girl has sex will almost never be the person she marries.
• Even if, by chance, they do get married, there is a more than 50% chance that they will not stay married.  

So, why do we continue to continue to give girls the cruel advice of telling them that the first time they have sex should be when they give their heart to someone;and, that their virginity is something that they should prize?  Breakups can be humiliating enough, especially in a social situation where everyone knows who is going out with whom, without a girl feeling like she gave her heart and virginity to someone who didn't feel the same about her.  This paradigm eventually leads to the girl feeling duped and ashamed --  "I wasted my virginity on him." 

What we should be teaching girls is much more complicated than, "You should be in love the first time":

• We should teach girls to have great self-esteem.  
• We should teach girls how powerful they can be both as a person and sexually.
• We should teach girls that their self-worth, throughout their life, has to be about more than sex and attractiveness.
• We should teach girls to know what appropriate boundaries are.
• We should teach girls about the hymen and that breaking it does not make her "less than" or "unpure"; and, that sexual purity is a sexist, outdated notion.
• We should teach girls that if any boy/(or man as she get older) needs a woman to be "pure" -- it is a bad reflection on him, not her.
• We should teach girls that they are worth just as much as a boy in a relationship.
• We should teach a girl that if she has consentual sex with a boy (or man as she gets older), and he refuses to go out with her again because he feels she had "sex too soon" with him, to remind him that he also participated in having sex, so he can take his sexist double-standard crap and shove it, because he just let her know that he is NOT her type.
• We should teach girls that sex should be a wonderful experience, not a shameful one.
• We should teach girls (and boys) about safe sex and about birth control.
• We should teach girls that sex and love are not synonymous; and, that she doesn't have to be in love in order to have sex for the first time.
• We should teach girls that the first time she has sex, it should be something she really wants to do and not something she feels she has to do.
• We should teach girls that the first person she falls in love with, will most likely not be the person she marries.
• We should teach girls that they have just as much right to play the field as boys do; and, to never let anyone call her a slut or a similar name for doing so.
• We should teach girls to ignore the sexist advice that is spewed by the media.
• Before they get into a relationship, we should teach girls that the amygdala and prefrontal cortex of their brain will be responsible for them feeling like they can't live without the person they broke up with.  Click here to read more about it.

Ta-Ta-For-Now!

Coco looking particularly cute!

Current Music Favorites -- November 2019

I made this month's post more about albums and songs rather than just bands.  I love metal but I love other music, also.  Here's a sampling of what I've been really into this month.

First Row (left to right):  
We Stitch These Wounds, by Black Veil Brides -- particularly the song Mortician's Daughter which is a very pretty song.  Love the whole album!

The song Valkyrie, by Battle Tapes.  I first heard the song on the TV show Lucifer which I started watching a few months ago.  This song kind of reminds me of a Prince song.  A really catchy danceable song!

Second Row:
Songs of Faith And Devotion, by Depeche Mode.  I hadn't listened to this in its entirety in years.  It was amazing to hear this all the way through again! 

Third Row (left to right):
Nightmare, by Avenged Sevenfold.  I love the album; but, I've been enamored with Buried Alive which starts slower and revs up to that kick-ass second part!

Black Widow, by In This Moment.  I love the song Big Bad Wolf, (reminds me of poor Fenrir) which was the first song I got by the band.  I've gotten two more and am working my way up to an album.

Fourth Row:
American Satan by The Relentless.  This is actually from the movie, American Satan.  Andy Biersack plays the singer of The Relentless; but, Remington Leith of Palaye Royale sings the songs.  Remington Leith singing metal is simply divine!

Fifth Row (left to right):
The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance.  I was talking to a friend about how their songs reminded me of hypomania. After talking about that I needed to listen to this album album again.  Then, of course, I start hearing that they're doing a reunion tour!  Wow!

Boom Boom Room (A Side), by Palaye Royale.  Palaye Royale has a kind of 60's sound that I really like.  Remington Leith's voice is simply amazing!

Ta-Ta-For-Now!

My friend's cat, Goblin -- he's a polydactyl!

October 2019 Favorites - Beauty And Bath

1.   Nyx Suede Matte Lipliner in Jakarta:  I've had this since around Christmas time.  I bought a set of mini Nyx liquid lipsticks that came with matching lipliners.  I have a vertical labret piercing and it makes it very difficult to wear a traditional style lipstick w/o lipliner.  But, I love the precise look a lipliner gives to traditional lipstick. Jakarta is a very pretty burnt orange shade.

2.   Nyx Lip Lingerie Push-Up Long-Lasting Lipstick in Exotic:  These come in some of the same colors that the original Lip Lingerie liquid lipstick shades come in.  I think the Push-Up version feels a little more comfortable on the lips and also looks better on.  Exotic is a lovely burnt orange shade.

3.   Covergirl Colorlicious Oh Sugar! Tinted Lip Balm in Punch:  Tinted lipbalms are nice on days when one would prefer a more natural makeup look; or, if one's lips need a little relief from drying lipsticks.

4.   e.l.f. Lip Exfoliator:  I've been using e.l.f.'s Lip Exfoliators on and off  for some years, now.  YouTuber emilynoel83 made me buy it (LOL).  These work great.  I don't have to stick my fingers into a goopy jar.  They are nicely priced and come in several flavors.

5.   Milani Amore Metallics Lip Creme in Raving Matte: I love a magenta-purple lipstick!  This shade is flattering on me when I want something a little more dramatic on the lips.

6.   Milani Luminoso Glow Shimmering Face Palette:  YouTuber emilynoel83 made me buy this too. (LOL). I'm really loving glowy blushes lately.  This palette also has highlighters and glowy bronzers (which can be used to darken the blushes). After a certain age, looking too matte is not flattering.  This palette can be used on the eyes, as well.  Although I would caution that hooded eyes need some matte to give them dimension.

7.   Milani Baked Blush in Luminoso:  This blush came in a bundle with the Luminoso Face Palette and a Luminoso Lip Gloss.  Holy cow!  There is a reason this blush is so popular!  I was worried that it wouldn't show up on me; but, it does!  Luminoso gives the cheeks a beautiful glow!  I would say it gives more of a glow than their other baked blushes.

8.   e.l.f. Jelly Pop Flush Blush in Berry Pop:  This is another beautiful glowy/dewy blush option that won't break the bank. My recommendation with this blush is to put a dot of the blush on the back of your hand, then use a stippling brush to blend it into the cheeks.  I've found that a couple of  small dots is enough for both cheeks.  You can always add more. Hard to take away if you put too much on.

9.   Manny MUA X Makeup Geek Eyeshadow Palette:  I've had this palette since around when it first came out.  YouTuber mirrorsandhaze made me buy this one.  What stands out, in my mind, in this palette, is the shade Mars (which is described as a deep cherry red with a matte finish) and the shade Insomnia (which is described as a warm red brown with blue reflects and a foiled finish).  Those two colors make for quite a dramatic look, which I love.  I forget, however, that the palette has a host of soft colors that are perfect for a natural look or a more "office friendly" look.  A very versatile palette.

10.  Kat Von D Pastel Goth Eyeshadow Palette:  I am in love with the shade Clementine -- which is a soft pastel orange that is slightly sheer.  I wish Kat Von D made a single shadow in Clementine.  It is perfect for blending out warm looks.  I have used the other colors in the palette -- mostly for complementing shadows in other palettes.   For me, it works really well for that.

11.  e.l.f. Superclarify Cleanser:  This cleanser works well.  My only wish is that it was in a container that suited the consistency of the cleanser better -- like a pump bottle.

12.  Nquea.d Mediterranean Fig and Rhubarb Candle:  I've had this candle for a while.  I'm reminded of how much I like it, when I'm in the kitchen.  It smells heavenly!  I don't know if this brand exists anymore.  The candle was on sale when I bought it in April at Papyrus.  If it doesn't exist anymore, that's too bad.  It's a really good candle.

13.  Mane 'n Tail Conditioner (Original):  I stopped using this for a little while because I kept forgetting to get a new bottle from our pantry.  When I finally remembered -- several months later -- I used it and was smitten all over again.  It helps with the manageability of my long, easily tangled hair.

14.  DermOrganic Leave-in Argan Oil Treatment:  Although this can be used in dry hair to help detangle and give hair some shine, I find that this leave-in treatment works best when worked into damp hair.  (It will help stop the frizzies before they start; and, help with detangling hair.)

15.  Diptyque Eau Rose Eau de Toilette:  This is like fresh roses layered with more complex notes in the background.  (Per Diptyque: Pick up the petals of a rose, add its green leaves, its stem, and don’t forget its buds. Immerse in clear water and wait to reveal its rosy delicateness, fruity accents and acidulated green notes... Eau Rose is composed like an infusion of the finest damascena and centifolia roses.)  One can definitely smell the "acidulated green notes" in the background.  Now that it's fall, I feel more comfortable wearing a fragrance like this.

16.  Atelier Cologne Vetiver Fatal Cologne Absolue Pure Perfume:  I love Atelier Cologne's fragrances.  Most are perfect for traveling in warmer weather where fragrances with heavier notes may be too cloying.  (Per Atelier Cologne it's notes are: Bergamot from Calabria, Lemon from Sicily, Heart of Bigaradier from Paraguay, Orange Flower Absolue from Tunisia, Violet Leaves, Black Plum, Heart of Vetiver from Haiti, Cedarwood from Texas, Dark Oud Accord.)  The combination is unisex, with a bitter but refreshing note.  If I were to put an image to it -- I'm reminded of a personal library with luxurious wood shelves that go all the way up to the elevated ceiling.  The kind of library where you need one of those rolling ladders.

Ta-Ta-For-Now!

"What's that over there, Mama?"

Men Who Love Cats!

Cats get a bad rap in our society. Mainstream media loves to malign cats.  Mainstream media loves to insinuate that no "real man" likes or loves cats.  What a bunch of bull!

I like to stand up for the "underdog" (or should I say undercat?) who is unjustly villified, unjustly made fun of and has a whole host of untruths said about him/her.

A man who loves cats is extremely attractive to me!  He's comfortable in his masculinity.  He has nothing to prove.  He's doesn't care what the media says about his love for cats!

So, here are a few male celebrities who LOVE cats!  (And there are a lot more out there!)

Top Row (Left to Right):   
Kurt Cobain of Nirvana (American Singer, songwriter and guitar player.  Lived: February 20, 1967 to April 5, 1994)
Andy Biersack of Black Veil Brides and as Andy Black (American Singer, Songwriter, Piano player, Actor, host of podcast The Andy Show)

Second Row (Left to Right):
Morgan Freeman (American Actor)
Jonny Lee Miller (British and now, American Actor)

Third Row (Left to Right):
Russell Brand (British Comedian, Actor, Author and Activist)
Ewen McGregor (British/Scottish Actor)

Bottom Row (Left to Right):
Kevin Pierre-Louis (Former linebacker for the Seattle Seahawks  -- now plays for Chicago Cubs.)
Johnny Cash (American singer-songwriter, guitarist, actor, and author.  Lived: February 26, 1932 to September 12, 2003)

Ta-Ta-For-Now!

Luna, a little younger, looking alert and curious.